5 stars (Wonderful Analysis of Porcupine's Dilemma and Relationships) - In this classic book the author Ortberg zooms on the things that make community tick. He elaborates in the chapter `Porcupine's Dilemma' "Community is the place God made us for. Community is the place where God meets us. Here is the rub : How to get close without getting hurt? How do you pursue this beautiful dream of community with actual, real-life people? Weird, not-normal, as-is, dysfunctional real life people? Your friends, colleagues, your children, your parents? Can it really happen?
The Hebrew prophets had a word for connectedness of all things : shalom - the webbing together of God, humans, and all creation in justice, fulfillment, and delight. The connectedness has also been called `reciprocal rootedness'.
The North American Common Porcupine is a member of the rodent family that has around 30,000 quills attached to his body. Each quill can be driven into an enemy, and the enemy's body heat will cause the microscopic barb to expand and become more firmly embedded. The wounds can fester; the more dangerous ones, affecting vital organs, can be fatal.
Ortberg analyzes the Porcupine's Dilemma : How do you get close without getting hurt? This is our dilemma too. Every one carries our own little arsenal. Our barbs have names like rejection, condemnation, resentment, arrogance, selfishness, envy, contempt. Some people hide them better then others, but get close enough and you will find out they are there. We, too, learn to survive through a combination of withdrawal and attack. We, too, find ourselves hurting (and being hurt by) those we long to be closest to. We try to figure out how to get close without getting hurt. We wonder if there is not a softer, less-barbed creature out there - a mink or an otter, perhaps. We can usually think of a number of particularly prickly porcupines in our lives. But the problem is not just them. I am somebody's porcupine. So are you.
This golden book is relevant to the current scenarios in most of the world. What we see in drive-by shootings and suicide bombings is only the ultimate working out of anger that is in all of our hearts. We get hurt and we want to hurt back. Little jihads (attacks) get fought every day between people who work together in the same office, between husband and wife, between parent and child. Hafrada is a word for separation and withdrawal. The Wall of the West Bank, The Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain are expressions of the same impulse that causes all of us to withdraw and withhold ourselves. Sometimes the wall is a newspaper at a breakfast table that expresses and emotional distance that cannot be bridged.
Jihad and hafrada. Attack and withdrawal. These are the two essential forms of relational sin. We assault others when we act against what is good for them. This is true even if it happens with their consent - to give a whiskey to an alcoholic, for example. We withdraw from someone when we regard their well being as a matter of indifference to us. Attack and withdrawal are practiced by every human being on earth, and they damage every marriage and family and workplace and church. All our relational mismanagement is really a variation on these two tendencies of the fallen human heart. When we feel threatened, we want to hurt others or hide from them. We, too, head for a tree or stick out for quills. But there is a better way. Things do not have to be that way.
Miracle of miracles : Relationship does happen - even for porcupines. They learn to keep their barbs to themselves. They also figure out how to get long enough to make sure that another generation will come along. Males and females may remain together for some days before mating. They may touch paws and even walk on their hind feet in the so-called `dance of the porcupines.' It turns out there really is an answer to the ancient question, how do porcupines make love? They pull in their quills and learn to dance.
Hope you enjoyed the vivid analysis of the miracles called relationship in the light of Porcupine's dilemma presented by Ortberg. This chapter alone is sufficient for awarding a full five star rating for this book. It deserves thoughtful reading by all communities.
5 stars (Great Resource for Small Groups) - This book has been a tremendous tool for creating community within the small group that I am involved. The book has served a very practical tool for examining our motives, morals and hindrances to building community both within this group of 30 something and 40 something year old men both divorced and married. I think it should be the first book that new small groups should study because it will create a journey of fellowship and friendship that I did not think possible for men of any age.
5 stars (Another provocative title from a great storyteller) - I've had the pleasure of meeting John Ortberg. But more, I've had the life changing experience of listening to John and reading his books. His tape on Life without regret, and It all goes back in the box, are so good and so life changing that it does them a disservice to call them classics. This book is in that tradition. The Holy Spirit abounds in John's work here. It answers the question of how porcupines dance and why, and why we pick up rocks.
It tells us why we need each other and just what community really is and how much God wants us to make it work. This is well worth the time to read it, and buy a couple of copies to hand to friends. They will thank you for it. |
